Lord, help me to trust...

"We try to set our lives up so everything will be fine even if God doesn't come through. But true faith means holding nothing back. It means putting every hope in God's fidelity to His promises"
-Francis Chan

Valedictorian Speech. Oh, how time does fly...

Today I stumbled across the file on my computer containing my Valedictorian speech from my high school graduation (dating almost exactly two years ago). It brought back many old thoughts and memories. Here it is:

"Class of 2008,

The time has finally arrived and another season in our lives is coming to a close. We are filled with memories from the past and anticipation for the future as the last sentence in this chapter of our lives is being written. As we begin our journey and make our individual marks on the world, we must continuously humble ourselves and remember the purpose we are here for. We are part of a chosen generation, and as we step out into the plans God has for us, it is time to release every doubt, fear, lie, and excuse that holds us back from becoming the people God created us to be. As we continue to follow God and seek Him with all our heart, He will reveal His character to each of us more, because the more we understand who He is, the more we cannot help but adore Him. Always remember that when you are weak, God is strong. When you are faithless, God is faithful. When you fall down, it is He that will pick you up. Amidst our world of evil and destruction, He is the only thing even close to hope. He is the King of Peace on this worrisome and commotion-filled earth. It is my prayer that as each of us steps out into the futures God has for us, He will instill in our hearts and minds wisdom, wisdom that cannot come from a text book or study guide, but only from God. Many times, it is not the big decision that are so important, such as what college we attend or what career we choose, but the small ones we make in our daily lives. It is the little choices that we overlook and take for granted that collectively form the life we live: the decision to do what is right when it is easier to do wrong, to trust that God is faithful when all logic and circumstances tell you not to, to stop and help someone when everyone else keeps walking. If we are going to change the world it is not going to be through fame or wealth, but through the relationships we develop with God and others. To love God an others with everything we have and are it a choice we will have to make daily. Our class is a group of people filled with more intelligence, talent, leadership, and potential than most others can boast about. God has commanded us to glorify Him in everything and to spread His love to the ends of the earth, and He has generously equipped us to do so. To whom much is given much is also asked. Our time on earth is all we are given to prepare for where we will endlessly be beyond the grave. As we each step out into the different plans and futures God has for us, set your gaze completely on the One who is faithful and will never disappoint you. I will conclude by praying a section of Psalm 40 over the class as they begin the exciting journey that awaits them.

'We waited patiently for the Lord; He turned to us and heard our cry. He lifted us out of the slimy pit, out of the mud and mire; He set our feet on a rock and gave us a firm place to stand. He put a new song in our mouths, a hymn of praise to our God. Many, O Lord our God, are the wonders you have done. The things you planned for us no one can recount to you; were we to speak and tell of them, they would be too many to declare. We desire to do your will, O God; your law is within our hearts. We proclaim righteousness in the great assembly; we do not sea out lips, as you know, O Lord. We do not hide your righteousness in our hearts; we speak of your faithfulness and salvation. We do not conceal your love and your truth from the great assembly. Do not withhold your mercy from us, O Lord; may your love and your truth always protect us. Amen.'

Thank you for your time. Congratulations, Class of 2008!"

Moab 2010.

I cannot believe Spring Break has already come and gone. Last Saturday at 4am (yes, that would be 4 in the morning), I was getting into a van with ten other people about to embark on a wonderful adventure in Moab, Utah. I spent my entire Spring Break week on a backpacking trip with Outdoor Adventures, an organization here at APU. We camped along the Colorado River for the first two nights and hiked through the beautiful Arches National Park, seeing the famous Delicate Arch and Landscape Arch while there. I also saw the Grand Canyon and Rocky Mountains for the first time. For the next five days we backpacked through Canyonlands National Park. We covered approximately 28 miles in those five days, all while each carrying close to 50 pounds of extra weight on our backs. It was challenging, but so completely worth it. The land contained a type of beauty I had never seen before. It looked like we had traveled back many centuries and stepped into prehistoric times. I was in complete awe of what was before me.

Though our time in the back country was challenging, it was also a time of great encouragement for me. The night before I left for the trip I found out I had been accepted into the LA Term study abroad program. I cannot express to you how excited I was about that. But more about that in another post. I also brought Shane Claiborne's book "The Irresistible Revolution" on the trip with me and was reading it a lot during the free time we had out there. It is such a challenging book to read. It makes me feel so uncomfortable, not that this is a bad thing. Thoughts about wealth, comfort, the suffering, the poor, Jesus' commands, and change swirled around in my head every night. When Jesus says to sell all you have and give to the poor, what does that mean? Am I supposed to take that literally? How far does that go? And even if I knew that He whole-heartedly meant it, could I do it? Would I do it? What would my life look like if I took half the things Jesus said seriously? These thoughts are still being tossed back and forth in my mind, trying to find some relief and answers.

Despite all these challenging thoughts, I found a great deal of encouragement through the many times I saw God throughout this trip: in the beautiful scenery, in the celebration of getting into LA Term, in the deliberations and longing in my heart for truth and understanding, in the laughs of the wonderful people in the group. I could not have possibly asked for a better group of people to go on this trip with. I love being around people, and this trip only further reminded me of that. We had so much fun together and laughed at such strange and wonderful things.

On a side note, something interesting I noticed on this trip was how quickly you adapt to life in the wilderness once you are put in the situation. When you hear about not taking a shower for a week, having no bathrooms, sleeping on the ground, and eating strange foods, many think there is no way you could happily do that. It is surprisingly not that hard. Sleeping on the ground becomes possible because you are so exhausted from hiking all day. Using the bathroom in the wilderness and not wearing makeup or taking showers seems somewhat more normal when everyone is doing it. And you pretty quickly adapt to the eating conditions. Dirt gets in your food and you eat it anyway (in fact, you use dirt to scrub out your dishes afterwards). You realize that 90% of the foods you are eating probably has trans fats or msg in it and you suddenly don't really care (or maybe you didn't care to begin with). And suddenly, "spam melts" for dinner sounds like a delicacy. Strange.

Overall, the trip was amazing. I would do it again in a heartbeat. Spring Break went by all too fast, and despite how happy I was to take a warm shower and sleep in an actual bed, I was genuinely sad when the trip ended and we were back at APU. The hardest part was leaving the other wonderful people I had grown to know and love over the past week. Even though I see them around campus (and oh, how it brightens my day), I will still miss being stranded out in the wilderness with them and laughing with them around campfires. I am so thankful that I was willing to step out of my comfort zone and have a part in this wonderful experience.