I went fishing today . . .

and it was pretty much amazing.

Fishing is terribly addicting. Oh, and I have realized (once again) that I am so blessed with a wonderful family and friends.  My dad made absolute sure we had all the fishing supplies we needed (including going out of his way to buy us a couple of bamboo fishing poles and thoroughly explain fishing techniques to me). My friends are lovely. I could never ask for better ones. And I live in probably the most beautiful place in the world, which it sadly took me nearly twenty years to realize. I pray I never lose sight of how incredibly blessed I am. We must have caught (and released) about a dozen fish (including a puffer fish!). And we hooked a large moray eel several times, but it escaped our grasp. Next time, Mr. Moray. Next time.

Thank you, Lord. I am so blessed.

Liz and I are going to make the absolute most out of this summer . . .

. . . and this is only the beginning of it.

For some reason, this heartfelt and sarcastic article speaks to me and helps me to understand . . .

. . . so here it is:

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Injustice is part of life

By Steve Kalas

Published: Wednesday, June 16, 2010 10:07 AM HST

Sometimes the Good Guys win, and the Bad Guys are brought to justice. Or, even better, the Bad Guys account for their behavior, express real remorse, resolve to change their behavior and embrace the redemption of a new way of life and relationship. I love redemption stories.

Sometimes The Bad Guys are brought to justice. But not always.

I think of my enemies. My own personal Bad Guys. The list is happily short; unlike the list of People Who Don't Like Me, which I never inventory because it's both dull and irrelevant. Enemies are distinct from mere disaffection, prejudice or antipathy. Enemies are actively toxic. Enemies want to hurt us.

So I look at my list. There are two names. And I shake my head.

Justice? Unlikely. Certainly requests for them to be accountable were scorned. And my efforts to hold them accountable were a "shouting into a snowstorm." In fact, it just made it worse. The only justice I will know is a private, existential exercise of the mind. I derive a kind of satisfaction knowing that these two people have to be themselves for the rest of their lives. Also, I confess no small pride that I have endured the injuries sustained in those relationships and somehow found the freedom to live creatively and happily. Even redemptively.

As they say, the best revenge is living well.

But justice? Accountability? Both of these people would vigorously protest their status as my enemy! They don't have a clue about the wanton damage they did. And maybe that's part of what defines an enemy: Our enemies feel entirely justified in their despicable behavior. I assume the Nazis condemned at Nuremberg went to the gallows feeling misunderstood and unappreciated.

Our enemies won't stop hurting us until they either repent, are brought to justice, capriciously exchange us for another victim ... or we exit.

Ah, exit! Now there's an idea. See, we waste our lives if we insist that every scale of justice is balanced. Likewise if we delude ourselves into thinking it's our job to balance every scale. So, sometimes we surrender the need for justice. We give up the cause. We withdraw from the fray. We exit. And here we discover something truly beautiful: Sometimes injustice gets us exactly where we need to be going.

I think of the great Hebrew saga of The Exodus. Read it. The writer bounces back and forth in describing the role of the enemy, Pharaoh. First, his heart is hard. Then it is God who hardens Pharaoh's heart. So, which is it? Is Pharaoh a jerk? Or does God destine Pharaoh for Jerkdom so that he can get the Hebrew people where they need to be going?

The paradoxical answer is ... yes. If I was Aaron, as soon as everybody got settled in the Promised Land, I would have written Pharaoh a thank-you note:

Dear Pharaoh,

It has been just crazy on our end -- planning Moses' funeral, trying to get unpacked, meeting our new neighbors, etc. But we're finally here.

You are probably surprised to hear from me, and you might be even more surprised to learn the reason for my letter.

We wanted to thank you.

See, we thought you were a hard-hearted jerk. But we were wrong. It turns out that it was God who hardened your heart, because that was the cosmic crowbar required to relinquish our grasp on our own misery and smallness. It's ironic: As much as we bitched about slavery, the truth is slavery is easier than freedom.

You think I'm kidding? You can't believe how whiny these people are! Toward the end of the trek, some of them actually wanted to go back! LOL!

Pharaoh, you played your part to perfection. Thank you. We will never forget you.

If you're ever in Cana, drop by for a bagel.

Sincerely,

Aaron

P.S. None of this means you are not, in fact, a jerk.

My point is not that our enemies deserve a "pass." My point is that we have the power and the freedom to weave even our enemies into the tapestry -- the beautiful and meaningful tapestry -- of our lives.

Every good play requires a protagonist and an antagonist. And, while we don't always decide what happens to us, we are ultimately the playwright of our own lives. We decide how we will tell the story of events and circumstances.

Enemies can inspire our exit. Painful goodbyes, yes. But, those goodbyes open a place for some surprising and unexpectedly beautiful hellos. Injustice sometimes gets us exactly where we need to be going.

Steven Kalas is a behavioral health consultant and counselor at Clear View Counseling Wellness Center in Las Vegas and the author of "Human Matters: Wise and Witty Counsel on Relationships, Parenting, Grief and Doing the Right Thing" (Stephens Press). Contact him at skalas@reviewjournal.com.

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Lord, I have always been aware of the way you speak to me through writing and words, whether it is Yours, someone else's, or my own. I'm not saying I necessarily agree with everything written here, or even really know what it is You are saying to me and want me to do. All I know is that this helps me to understand. I relate to it. I am comforted by it. I am spoken to through it. Within hours after I prayed to you about what I was facing in my own life, this shows up in my path. Thank you.

I want to live.

I want to be more disciplined.

I want to pray and believe God will answer.

I want to understand that perfection is not the ultimate goal.

I want to run.

I want to remember that I am saved by grace, not good behavior.

I want to forgive myself for things of the past.

I want to believe God's grace is sufficient, even for me. 

I want to bless others.

I want to give.

I want to be rid of my doubt.

I want to take action. 

I want to live.

I got the summer internship . . .

literally only by God's grace.

Thanks, God. You are so wonderful.

Can't help but smile at this.

CLICK HERE TO WATCH.

This video never fails to make me smile. Oh, how I miss those three.

Lord, help me to trust...

"We try to set our lives up so everything will be fine even if God doesn't come through. But true faith means holding nothing back. It means putting every hope in God's fidelity to His promises"
-Francis Chan

Valedictorian Speech. Oh, how time does fly...

Today I stumbled across the file on my computer containing my Valedictorian speech from my high school graduation (dating almost exactly two years ago). It brought back many old thoughts and memories. Here it is:

"Class of 2008,

The time has finally arrived and another season in our lives is coming to a close. We are filled with memories from the past and anticipation for the future as the last sentence in this chapter of our lives is being written. As we begin our journey and make our individual marks on the world, we must continuously humble ourselves and remember the purpose we are here for. We are part of a chosen generation, and as we step out into the plans God has for us, it is time to release every doubt, fear, lie, and excuse that holds us back from becoming the people God created us to be. As we continue to follow God and seek Him with all our heart, He will reveal His character to each of us more, because the more we understand who He is, the more we cannot help but adore Him. Always remember that when you are weak, God is strong. When you are faithless, God is faithful. When you fall down, it is He that will pick you up. Amidst our world of evil and destruction, He is the only thing even close to hope. He is the King of Peace on this worrisome and commotion-filled earth. It is my prayer that as each of us steps out into the futures God has for us, He will instill in our hearts and minds wisdom, wisdom that cannot come from a text book or study guide, but only from God. Many times, it is not the big decision that are so important, such as what college we attend or what career we choose, but the small ones we make in our daily lives. It is the little choices that we overlook and take for granted that collectively form the life we live: the decision to do what is right when it is easier to do wrong, to trust that God is faithful when all logic and circumstances tell you not to, to stop and help someone when everyone else keeps walking. If we are going to change the world it is not going to be through fame or wealth, but through the relationships we develop with God and others. To love God an others with everything we have and are it a choice we will have to make daily. Our class is a group of people filled with more intelligence, talent, leadership, and potential than most others can boast about. God has commanded us to glorify Him in everything and to spread His love to the ends of the earth, and He has generously equipped us to do so. To whom much is given much is also asked. Our time on earth is all we are given to prepare for where we will endlessly be beyond the grave. As we each step out into the different plans and futures God has for us, set your gaze completely on the One who is faithful and will never disappoint you. I will conclude by praying a section of Psalm 40 over the class as they begin the exciting journey that awaits them.

'We waited patiently for the Lord; He turned to us and heard our cry. He lifted us out of the slimy pit, out of the mud and mire; He set our feet on a rock and gave us a firm place to stand. He put a new song in our mouths, a hymn of praise to our God. Many, O Lord our God, are the wonders you have done. The things you planned for us no one can recount to you; were we to speak and tell of them, they would be too many to declare. We desire to do your will, O God; your law is within our hearts. We proclaim righteousness in the great assembly; we do not sea out lips, as you know, O Lord. We do not hide your righteousness in our hearts; we speak of your faithfulness and salvation. We do not conceal your love and your truth from the great assembly. Do not withhold your mercy from us, O Lord; may your love and your truth always protect us. Amen.'

Thank you for your time. Congratulations, Class of 2008!"

Moab 2010.

I cannot believe Spring Break has already come and gone. Last Saturday at 4am (yes, that would be 4 in the morning), I was getting into a van with ten other people about to embark on a wonderful adventure in Moab, Utah. I spent my entire Spring Break week on a backpacking trip with Outdoor Adventures, an organization here at APU. We camped along the Colorado River for the first two nights and hiked through the beautiful Arches National Park, seeing the famous Delicate Arch and Landscape Arch while there. I also saw the Grand Canyon and Rocky Mountains for the first time. For the next five days we backpacked through Canyonlands National Park. We covered approximately 28 miles in those five days, all while each carrying close to 50 pounds of extra weight on our backs. It was challenging, but so completely worth it. The land contained a type of beauty I had never seen before. It looked like we had traveled back many centuries and stepped into prehistoric times. I was in complete awe of what was before me.

Though our time in the back country was challenging, it was also a time of great encouragement for me. The night before I left for the trip I found out I had been accepted into the LA Term study abroad program. I cannot express to you how excited I was about that. But more about that in another post. I also brought Shane Claiborne's book "The Irresistible Revolution" on the trip with me and was reading it a lot during the free time we had out there. It is such a challenging book to read. It makes me feel so uncomfortable, not that this is a bad thing. Thoughts about wealth, comfort, the suffering, the poor, Jesus' commands, and change swirled around in my head every night. When Jesus says to sell all you have and give to the poor, what does that mean? Am I supposed to take that literally? How far does that go? And even if I knew that He whole-heartedly meant it, could I do it? Would I do it? What would my life look like if I took half the things Jesus said seriously? These thoughts are still being tossed back and forth in my mind, trying to find some relief and answers.

Despite all these challenging thoughts, I found a great deal of encouragement through the many times I saw God throughout this trip: in the beautiful scenery, in the celebration of getting into LA Term, in the deliberations and longing in my heart for truth and understanding, in the laughs of the wonderful people in the group. I could not have possibly asked for a better group of people to go on this trip with. I love being around people, and this trip only further reminded me of that. We had so much fun together and laughed at such strange and wonderful things.

On a side note, something interesting I noticed on this trip was how quickly you adapt to life in the wilderness once you are put in the situation. When you hear about not taking a shower for a week, having no bathrooms, sleeping on the ground, and eating strange foods, many think there is no way you could happily do that. It is surprisingly not that hard. Sleeping on the ground becomes possible because you are so exhausted from hiking all day. Using the bathroom in the wilderness and not wearing makeup or taking showers seems somewhat more normal when everyone is doing it. And you pretty quickly adapt to the eating conditions. Dirt gets in your food and you eat it anyway (in fact, you use dirt to scrub out your dishes afterwards). You realize that 90% of the foods you are eating probably has trans fats or msg in it and you suddenly don't really care (or maybe you didn't care to begin with). And suddenly, "spam melts" for dinner sounds like a delicacy. Strange.

Overall, the trip was amazing. I would do it again in a heartbeat. Spring Break went by all too fast, and despite how happy I was to take a warm shower and sleep in an actual bed, I was genuinely sad when the trip ended and we were back at APU. The hardest part was leaving the other wonderful people I had grown to know and love over the past week. Even though I see them around campus (and oh, how it brightens my day), I will still miss being stranded out in the wilderness with them and laughing with them around campfires. I am so thankful that I was willing to step out of my comfort zone and have a part in this wonderful experience.

Azusa 101

This past week, from Thursday through Sunday, I went on a four day service-learning trip through the city of Azusa. The object of the Azusa 101 trip is to learn more about the social issues going on within the community and our role in it as APU students. We visited schools, non-profit organizations, churches, the police station, and other various places within the city of Azusa. We stayed with a family the first night and at a local church for the second and third night. It was such an amazing and enlightening experience. I gained such a different perspective on issues ranging from homelessness to the education system to immigration during this trip. I could not believe how much goes on in the city I have been living in for the past two years that I was unaware of. Here is a poem I wrote during and after the trip as a sort of reflection on my thoughts and experiences during Azusa 101. I am not completely satisfied with the poem, and at some point I will likely come back and make changes to it. But for now, here it is.

It’s Easy.

It is easy to voice your intense opposition
Of the law-breaking, foreign immigrant,
To insist on stricter laws in this nation
And across borders with little management,
Until you stare into the face of the man
Who has a family and no money for rent,
Who is shoved, abused, scammed, humiliated,
Desperate for work to provide for three children
But unable to pay the unaffordable fee for new documents,
He is thrown to the streets with his family, unliberated.

It is easy to rebuke the homosexual
For sinful, improper attractions
Which could not possibly be natural,
But choices, decisions, mutilations,
Until you look into the shamed boy’s eyes
Abhorred by his own feelings and life,
Desperate for acceptance and approval
But often the object of looks of despise,
Praying to God to be freed of this strife,
He is abandoned, condemned, left alone in battle.

It is easy to say racism is nonexistent,
A problem of other past communities,
That everyone has the chance to be content
In this land of equal opportunities,
Until you are told by a seven year old girl
That she’s not going to college because she’s brown,
Or the African-American teen
Towards whom hate crimes ruthlessly hurl,
Beautiful faces who, loveless, will drown,
Yet not reason enough to upset life’s routine.

It is easy to ignore these problems
And walk on past towards the American dream,
The white picket fence, 2.5 kids, and sparkling gems,
Money, fashion, power, a continuous stream.
But what about the hurting, helpless, oppressed?
How quickly backs are turned from their struggles,
So easy to continue life in ignorance of the hostility
In society, unwilling to sacrifice, protest,
Step up as God’s beloved, chosen peoples
And care even a little about this hurting humanity.

It is easy to push aside the statistics
Of poverty, homelessness, abuse, violence,
In a hurting world with a surplus of critics,
But no one willing to speak up amidst the silence,
Blind to the faces behind the numbers,
Outraged at increased taxes to relieve
The single, working mother with a sick daughter,
More concerned with my well-being than a stranger’s,
God crying for His children to act and believe
The solution is not violence, but mercy, love, laughter.