A poem inspired by W.H. Auden

“Souls Suffering on the Streets”

Souls suffering on the streets, passionately they weep;

Again we draw the curtains and drift to sleep,

Withholding any attempt to relieve some sorrow,

Always the excuse: tomorrow, tomorrow.

Stop your search for goodness: you won’t find it;

Don’t pray for God’s mercy: mankind is unfit;

Let the hatred, envy, and ignorance go on;

Individuality has become America’s icon.

Tell the homeless woman to stop hungering

And the abused child to stop whimpering;

There is no one to hear your cries;

That man was programmed to love is only a lie.

Heartbeats of humanity are deadened,

And the meaning of love has been cheapened;

God’s tears flood the earth in an anguished downpour;

Not a soul is alive anymore, anymore.

"Stop All the Clocks" by W. H. Auden

One of the most tragic and striking poems I have read in a while.

"Stop All the Clocks" by W. H. Auden


Stop all the clocks, cut off the telephone,
Prevent the dog from barking with a juicy bone,
Silence the pianos and with muffled drum
Bring out the coffin, let the mourners come.

Let aeroplanes circle moaning overhead
Scribbling on the sky the message He Is Dead,
Put crêpe bows round the white necks of the public doves,
Let the traffic policemen wear black cotton gloves.

He was my North, my South, my East and West,
My working week and Sunday rest,
My noon, my midnight, my talk, my song;
I thought that love would last forever: I was wrong.

The stars are not wanted now: put out every one;
Pack up the moon and dismantle the sun;
Pour away the ocean and sweep up the wood;
For nothing now can ever come to any good.

God's Favor

I feel a bit ridiculous asking for God's favor yet again. I mean, honestly. In the past year alone, I've seen His blessing on my life so clearly: I was fortunate enough to receive a paid journalism internship this summer, I participated in an urban immersion program in inner city Los Angeles last semester, and now I am sitting here in a quaint little cafe in Oxford, England where I will be studying for the next few months. But the time of the year has come when I need to reapply for certain scholarships, apply for additional ones, and fill out ever more forms for possible summer positions and future opportunities. Many of them are long shots, but after the past year, I pretty much feel like God can do anything in my life and open any door He pleases. Before entering college, I was a young, naive girl who had grown up in rural areas in Hawai'i all her life and never even been out of the country, let alone dreamt of traveling the world. Yet, in just the past couple of years, my life has been packed full of new opportunities, experiences, and adventures. I feel as if there is no limit to what God can do in my life. And as I fill out all these new applications and contemplate the many opportunities that could eventually be opened to me in the near future, I ask for God's favor and blessing. After all, there is certainly no harm in asking.

Week 3 Poem, inspired by D.H. Lawrence

Gone Fishing

I placed my fishing stick in the sea

On a warm, blue-skied day.

As I sat above and looked down into the

Other world, I saw him appear,

A blur at first, but steadily clearer.

He was stunning

With his swirls of

Yellow and turquoise and silver,

Admiring, craving the shrimp that slyly

Concealed the hook’s point.

On the far side of the bay,

The shore was sharp and the current strong.

The waves were furious,

Snapping against the rocks like a lion tamer’s

   whip.

But here, the waves sweetly

   caressed

And nurtured the trap, my trap,

Making a sweet cradle with its rolling ripples,

Seductively calling my prey closer.

The fish swam nearer and then

   farther

And then in circles, slowly and around,

Like a child’s merry-go-round

   he turned,

Stopping before the bait and watching,

Admiring it like a gluttonous man

Admires the cake he is about to devour.

But no attack.

Did he know?

Had he discovered my cleverly devised

   trap?

It is all in good fun;

I will, of course, not

   kill you.

I only want to admire your beauty,

Your shiny, capturing colors.

Then I will let you loose

And you will disappear into the deep, dark abyss

   Forever.

I close my eyes only to blink and,

Yes, a tug, a pull,

I’ve got you now!

How easy that was, I thought,

As I raised my stick

Up, up, up.

But what is this?

My bait is gone!

My hook is bare, shamefully

   exposed.

Curse you, fish!

You are nothing but a crook!

Stealing my bait

And surrendering nothing in return,

You are more cruel than the devil himself!

Stop tormenting me and

Bite the bait, the piercing hook.

Bite!

But it is no use,

He is gone, satisfied after his full

And tasty meal.

Thief.

You are too slimy, too cowardly

To bite and approach and face

   me,

Eye to eye, man to fish.

Well then! Have your fun now, because

I will be back

   tomorrow.

Highlights From Oxford Thus Far

Here are some highlights from my last three weeks in Oxford, England:

1) Wrote 2 poems for my poetry class and wrote a paper on social class in America and how it affects academic achievement. Both really interesting topics!

2) Visited CS Lewis' house, home church, and gravesite (and sat on the bench overlooking the pond where he and Tolkien met to discuss their works)

3) Had dinner at the Eagle and Child, the place where the Inklings (including CS Lewis, JRR Tolkien, Charles Williams, etc. met to discuss their writing)

4) Ate an authentic kebab from a street cart in Oxford-so good!

5) Went clubbing for the first time

6) Joined my college's rowing team (which comes with EARLY morning practices)

7) Went to a Union debate regarding University fees

8) Had a pigeon literally fly into my head on Cornmarket street

9) Heard Sir Ian McKellen (Gandalf from Lord of the Rings) speak about his life as an actor and his struggles with and acceptance of being gay

10) Went running along the beautiful Thames River

11) Booked a trip to Scotland for a week to go on a backpacking/bus tour. Awesome.

12) Booked a trip to Lithuania to visit my best friend the week after classes get out! More awesome. 

These are just some highlights that come to mind at the moment. It's starting to really hit me just how amazing and unique this experience is from anything I have even remotely done before. The university makes so many things and resources available to you-it is literally limitless. I live with amazing roommates, in a perfect location, in a shockingly beautiful city. I am able to choose the topics I want to study each week and am taught, one-on-one, by some of the most brilliant people I have ever met. I still walk down the street and have moments when I honestly cannot believe I am here. Even though I have months left here, I still get a little sad when I think about the fact that at some point I will have to leave. I can wholeheartedly, without any hesitation, say that I am completely and utterly in love with this place. 

Hopkins-inspired poem

Part of my poetry assignment for my second week was to write a poem inspired by the great Gerard Manley Hopkins. So, here it is:

THE SEA

Nothing is so lovely as the sea—

Where above the sun rises and reddens and rests;

Dolphins dance atop rolling, rhythmic waves, and guests

Of a breathtaking ballet we be,

Gladly; as spoken song in baby’s bin softly

Moms sing, its liquid melodies these ears infests,

Stirring, soothing this heart, ignoring protests

With deep breathes out, in: the wave ashore breaks boldly.

Oh! How wondrous the crafter of such a creature!

By it faint echoes of Thy warm whisper beckons,

Like a church bell, my soul to its Savior.

Soft ripples turning and twirling awakens

My heart, drawing me nearer when too far I wander,

In His presence, largely my burden lessens.

The hardest part about being halfway around the world...

are those random and sudden moments when I am reminded of how much I miss my sister.

Dramatic Monologue

For my poetry tutorial, my first assignment included, among many other things, writing my own dramatic monologue. Before this, I had no idea what a dramatic monologue was, but it is basically a speech given by a character (not the poet) that typically serves as a way for readers to gain a deeper insight into the character's mentality and point of view. It often causes readers to sympathize with the character, postponing any moral judgement for the sake of better understanding him/her.

So, here is my attempt. Some of the lines are a little off because of the text sizing. 

THE DEFENDANT

The jury is seated? Let us begin!

Honored am I to be standing before

You, O most admired Judge! Blissful joy

Overwhelmed my soul as I peered out the

Window from the shiny car that shuttled

Me here. The clear skies, the crisp air, the soft clouds,

Always has the world been so lovely?

Living in a cell does make one forget.

The sun seemed to be shining extra bright

Today, did it not? The flowers aside

The entrance look precisely like the pink

Ones dear Mother planted in the garden

For the butterflies! How furious she

Would be when little Brutus uprooted

Them in search of old bones! How different those

Bright flowers from this sad, dimly lit room

Where Judgment takes place, just two steps away.

Sometimes when I think about that night, a

Flawlessly clear memory, an utter

Blur, I cannot seem to remember if

His hair was blonde or brown, if he was tall

Or short. I remember only the soft

Fading of his piercing green eyes, my hands

Gripping his pulsing throat; tighter, tighter…

Forever his blood rests upon my hands

And since then twice, no, three times that number!

Hazel, my darling, I did it for her!

Naught one hand would harm her I swore; I knew

It from the moment his searching, lustful eyes

Found her that he could not love her as I.

She was naive; she did not know the harm

And pain he would cause her, and therefore me.

As my cold hands closed around his scrawny

Throat, it was like sipping tea, peacefully

By the window on a dreary morning,

like reading my favorite book by the

Fireplace during a winter blizzard;

He would bother my sweet Hazel no more.

My dear judge, why do you yawn? I see you

Glance at your gold watch; stop playing me! You have

Already made your decision; O, have

Mercy and relieve me from my role in

This puppet show! What more could you inflict

Upon me? ‘Send me to death’ you say now?

My god! If only the world were so kind!

Send me back to the zoo I now sleep in,

Where I awake to footsteps and pointing

Fingers as the guard gives daily tours of

These vicious animals that sit behind

Bars, longing so to find that dignity

They are stripped of. ‘Face the wall!’ screams the guard

As he walks by, for, unlike me, he would

Not dare protect a sweet, innocent girl.

How odd! I thought they wanted to make less

Of a menace of me. How silly they

Are to think several decades spent in a

Cold, dark stone room will change me! I am not

A mass murderer, I am only a

Boy the world would not leave alone. Sometimes

I wonder if my father was wrong when

He told me to stand up for myself: ‘Get

Them or they will get you!’ he said. Maybe

He was right; no one cares for anyone:

The world is less troublesome here.

Little do they know cages can only

‘Protect’ this society for so long.

Ah, the jury is getting restless I

See! I have rambled long enough. How have

I longed for the distant day when I am

Punished, brought to conclusion, at last done,

When I am forever released into

Oblivion, where thoughts of my lovely

Hazel will no longer plague my mind. Let

Us sit back in silence; I anxiously

Await my final release to the grave.

A beautiful day this certainly is!

The Most Beautiful City on Earth

It has been exactly two weeks since I arrived in Oxford. What can I even say about it? Where do I possibly begin? It is without a doubt the most beautiful city I have ever walked through, and I have strong suspicions that it is also most likely the most beautiful city on earth. I have only been here two weeks, but I can say in all honesty that it feels like I've been here for many, many months. I still feel like I'm walking in a dream, yet in reality I'm halfway around the world studying at one of the most renowned universities in the world. Strange. 

Port Meadow

Our flat

Well, to give you an idea of what my life here is like, I live in a flat with five other students: 2 girls from APU, 2 boys from Virginia, and another boy from Boston. I love all of them, and even though we are all quite different, somehow it just works. Our flat is literally just down the street from the city center of Oxford. Oxford University Press is in our backyard, The Eagle and Child (the meeting place for the Inklings, including CS Lewis, JRR Tolkien, Charles Williams, etc.) is just down the street, and the there are moments where, as ridiculous as it is, I feel like I'm walking through a scene from a Harry Potter movie (which is actually quite possible since many of the scenes were filmed here in Oxford). There is a wide meadow just a few minutes walking distance away that stretches out for acres and acres with the Thames River running through it. Even the high expectations I arrived in Oxford with did not even remotely match up to the utter beauty that is found in this city.

In Jericho

As for my classes, I absolutely love them. Since the University of Oxford uses the tutorial system, they are not exactly "classes" per se. We meet one-on-one with our professor, someone who specializes in the exact field and topic we want to study, once a week for one hour. He or she then gives us a reading list of books (which we can find at one of the endless number of libraries at the university) and the topic for our next essay. It is very independent, and you have to be quite self-motivated. But honestly, I love this style of teaching. Because the tutorials are designed to fit your interests and what you want to study, you are never stuck reading about something you don't care about or have no passion for. I have sat in the library and read for hours upon hours without even noticing how much time has gone by. You have an endless amount of resources the university makes available to you. It is heaven for those who love learning and have a hunger for knowledge. 

Thames River

Even though I have only been here for a couple of weeks, I am already scheming in my head different ways I can return here to study later in life (no, not next year). Maybe graduate school? Who knows. I feel so thankful to have been given this opportunity. I feel like it really is an "opportunity of a lifetime" kind of thing. After only two weeks, I am already falling completely in love with this place. 

Almost there.

As I sit here and write this, I am in LAX with only about one third of my trip completed. It is now approximately 1:30pm Hawai’i time, and I have been awake since 4:00am in order to catch my 6:45am flight from Hawai’i to Los Angeles. I will not reach my final destination at Oxford University for, at minimum, another fourteen hours. How strange. The fact that I will be spending the next five months studying at Oxford and traveling Europe seems like some distant dream to me. I feel as if I should not be sitting here at Gate 74, waiting for my flight to Heathrow, but should instead be walking down to baggage claim where Sarah, or Aaron, or maybe Sean will drive up to welcome me with open arms and bring me to APU.

My decision to go to Oxford was sudden and quite last-minute. I missed the application due date by weeks and was not even remotely considering going to England this semester. But I guess we all know, to some extent, that things do not typically turn out the way we plan them.

I find it sort of strange that I do not feel more excited, or nervous, or scared, or something right now. In fact, I haven’t really felt any emotion about the upcoming semester for the past month or two I have known I was going. Because I studied abroad last semester, living in South Central LA with a host family for four months, I was unable to attend any meetings or be introduced to other students who are also going. I do not know where I am living. I do not know anyone there. I do not know what classes (tutorials) I will be taking. I do not even know what college within Oxford University I will be a part of.

Everything feels surreal. I feel like I am in some strange in-between state in my life right now. I am at a point where I am still trying to process and comprehend all of the intense, life-changing, difficult things I experienced and learned last semester in inner city L.A. Yet, for the past three weeks in Hawai’i I also felt unsettled and out of place. Because my college experience has been so unusual and I find myself constantly moving from one place or “home” to another, it has become increasingly difficult for me to see any place I occupy as anything other than something temporary. From Azusa to Los Angeles to Hawaii to Yosemite to London, I am constantly moving from one temporary place to another. And though my life has been radically changed by each of these experiences, it has become more difficult for me to feel emotional about or invested into these new experiences and places because I subconsciously find myself thinking of them simply as temporary things. But maybe this is a good thing. After all, I suppose it is necessary to see the temporary nature of things on this earth in order to begin to see things from an eternal or heavenly perspective.

However, my prayer as I begin this new part of my life in Europe is that I will somehow manage to be wholly present during my experiences there. I pray I will take advantage of every opportunity and experience Europe to its fullest. I am absolutely certain this is where God wants me to be this semester. There were far too many miracles that occurred in order to get me here for that to be untrue. So, here I am, off on another plane, to another continent, to begin another adventure.