I got the summer internship . . .

literally only by God's grace.

Thanks, God. You are so wonderful.

Can't help but smile at this.

CLICK HERE TO WATCH.

This video never fails to make me smile. Oh, how I miss those three.

Lord, help me to trust...

"We try to set our lives up so everything will be fine even if God doesn't come through. But true faith means holding nothing back. It means putting every hope in God's fidelity to His promises"
-Francis Chan

Valedictorian Speech. Oh, how time does fly...

Today I stumbled across the file on my computer containing my Valedictorian speech from my high school graduation (dating almost exactly two years ago). It brought back many old thoughts and memories. Here it is:

"Class of 2008,

The time has finally arrived and another season in our lives is coming to a close. We are filled with memories from the past and anticipation for the future as the last sentence in this chapter of our lives is being written. As we begin our journey and make our individual marks on the world, we must continuously humble ourselves and remember the purpose we are here for. We are part of a chosen generation, and as we step out into the plans God has for us, it is time to release every doubt, fear, lie, and excuse that holds us back from becoming the people God created us to be. As we continue to follow God and seek Him with all our heart, He will reveal His character to each of us more, because the more we understand who He is, the more we cannot help but adore Him. Always remember that when you are weak, God is strong. When you are faithless, God is faithful. When you fall down, it is He that will pick you up. Amidst our world of evil and destruction, He is the only thing even close to hope. He is the King of Peace on this worrisome and commotion-filled earth. It is my prayer that as each of us steps out into the futures God has for us, He will instill in our hearts and minds wisdom, wisdom that cannot come from a text book or study guide, but only from God. Many times, it is not the big decision that are so important, such as what college we attend or what career we choose, but the small ones we make in our daily lives. It is the little choices that we overlook and take for granted that collectively form the life we live: the decision to do what is right when it is easier to do wrong, to trust that God is faithful when all logic and circumstances tell you not to, to stop and help someone when everyone else keeps walking. If we are going to change the world it is not going to be through fame or wealth, but through the relationships we develop with God and others. To love God an others with everything we have and are it a choice we will have to make daily. Our class is a group of people filled with more intelligence, talent, leadership, and potential than most others can boast about. God has commanded us to glorify Him in everything and to spread His love to the ends of the earth, and He has generously equipped us to do so. To whom much is given much is also asked. Our time on earth is all we are given to prepare for where we will endlessly be beyond the grave. As we each step out into the different plans and futures God has for us, set your gaze completely on the One who is faithful and will never disappoint you. I will conclude by praying a section of Psalm 40 over the class as they begin the exciting journey that awaits them.

'We waited patiently for the Lord; He turned to us and heard our cry. He lifted us out of the slimy pit, out of the mud and mire; He set our feet on a rock and gave us a firm place to stand. He put a new song in our mouths, a hymn of praise to our God. Many, O Lord our God, are the wonders you have done. The things you planned for us no one can recount to you; were we to speak and tell of them, they would be too many to declare. We desire to do your will, O God; your law is within our hearts. We proclaim righteousness in the great assembly; we do not sea out lips, as you know, O Lord. We do not hide your righteousness in our hearts; we speak of your faithfulness and salvation. We do not conceal your love and your truth from the great assembly. Do not withhold your mercy from us, O Lord; may your love and your truth always protect us. Amen.'

Thank you for your time. Congratulations, Class of 2008!"

Moab 2010.

I cannot believe Spring Break has already come and gone. Last Saturday at 4am (yes, that would be 4 in the morning), I was getting into a van with ten other people about to embark on a wonderful adventure in Moab, Utah. I spent my entire Spring Break week on a backpacking trip with Outdoor Adventures, an organization here at APU. We camped along the Colorado River for the first two nights and hiked through the beautiful Arches National Park, seeing the famous Delicate Arch and Landscape Arch while there. I also saw the Grand Canyon and Rocky Mountains for the first time. For the next five days we backpacked through Canyonlands National Park. We covered approximately 28 miles in those five days, all while each carrying close to 50 pounds of extra weight on our backs. It was challenging, but so completely worth it. The land contained a type of beauty I had never seen before. It looked like we had traveled back many centuries and stepped into prehistoric times. I was in complete awe of what was before me.

Though our time in the back country was challenging, it was also a time of great encouragement for me. The night before I left for the trip I found out I had been accepted into the LA Term study abroad program. I cannot express to you how excited I was about that. But more about that in another post. I also brought Shane Claiborne's book "The Irresistible Revolution" on the trip with me and was reading it a lot during the free time we had out there. It is such a challenging book to read. It makes me feel so uncomfortable, not that this is a bad thing. Thoughts about wealth, comfort, the suffering, the poor, Jesus' commands, and change swirled around in my head every night. When Jesus says to sell all you have and give to the poor, what does that mean? Am I supposed to take that literally? How far does that go? And even if I knew that He whole-heartedly meant it, could I do it? Would I do it? What would my life look like if I took half the things Jesus said seriously? These thoughts are still being tossed back and forth in my mind, trying to find some relief and answers.

Despite all these challenging thoughts, I found a great deal of encouragement through the many times I saw God throughout this trip: in the beautiful scenery, in the celebration of getting into LA Term, in the deliberations and longing in my heart for truth and understanding, in the laughs of the wonderful people in the group. I could not have possibly asked for a better group of people to go on this trip with. I love being around people, and this trip only further reminded me of that. We had so much fun together and laughed at such strange and wonderful things.

On a side note, something interesting I noticed on this trip was how quickly you adapt to life in the wilderness once you are put in the situation. When you hear about not taking a shower for a week, having no bathrooms, sleeping on the ground, and eating strange foods, many think there is no way you could happily do that. It is surprisingly not that hard. Sleeping on the ground becomes possible because you are so exhausted from hiking all day. Using the bathroom in the wilderness and not wearing makeup or taking showers seems somewhat more normal when everyone is doing it. And you pretty quickly adapt to the eating conditions. Dirt gets in your food and you eat it anyway (in fact, you use dirt to scrub out your dishes afterwards). You realize that 90% of the foods you are eating probably has trans fats or msg in it and you suddenly don't really care (or maybe you didn't care to begin with). And suddenly, "spam melts" for dinner sounds like a delicacy. Strange.

Overall, the trip was amazing. I would do it again in a heartbeat. Spring Break went by all too fast, and despite how happy I was to take a warm shower and sleep in an actual bed, I was genuinely sad when the trip ended and we were back at APU. The hardest part was leaving the other wonderful people I had grown to know and love over the past week. Even though I see them around campus (and oh, how it brightens my day), I will still miss being stranded out in the wilderness with them and laughing with them around campfires. I am so thankful that I was willing to step out of my comfort zone and have a part in this wonderful experience.

Azusa 101

This past week, from Thursday through Sunday, I went on a four day service-learning trip through the city of Azusa. The object of the Azusa 101 trip is to learn more about the social issues going on within the community and our role in it as APU students. We visited schools, non-profit organizations, churches, the police station, and other various places within the city of Azusa. We stayed with a family the first night and at a local church for the second and third night. It was such an amazing and enlightening experience. I gained such a different perspective on issues ranging from homelessness to the education system to immigration during this trip. I could not believe how much goes on in the city I have been living in for the past two years that I was unaware of. Here is a poem I wrote during and after the trip as a sort of reflection on my thoughts and experiences during Azusa 101. I am not completely satisfied with the poem, and at some point I will likely come back and make changes to it. But for now, here it is.

It’s Easy.

It is easy to voice your intense opposition
Of the law-breaking, foreign immigrant,
To insist on stricter laws in this nation
And across borders with little management,
Until you stare into the face of the man
Who has a family and no money for rent,
Who is shoved, abused, scammed, humiliated,
Desperate for work to provide for three children
But unable to pay the unaffordable fee for new documents,
He is thrown to the streets with his family, unliberated.

It is easy to rebuke the homosexual
For sinful, improper attractions
Which could not possibly be natural,
But choices, decisions, mutilations,
Until you look into the shamed boy’s eyes
Abhorred by his own feelings and life,
Desperate for acceptance and approval
But often the object of looks of despise,
Praying to God to be freed of this strife,
He is abandoned, condemned, left alone in battle.

It is easy to say racism is nonexistent,
A problem of other past communities,
That everyone has the chance to be content
In this land of equal opportunities,
Until you are told by a seven year old girl
That she’s not going to college because she’s brown,
Or the African-American teen
Towards whom hate crimes ruthlessly hurl,
Beautiful faces who, loveless, will drown,
Yet not reason enough to upset life’s routine.

It is easy to ignore these problems
And walk on past towards the American dream,
The white picket fence, 2.5 kids, and sparkling gems,
Money, fashion, power, a continuous stream.
But what about the hurting, helpless, oppressed?
How quickly backs are turned from their struggles,
So easy to continue life in ignorance of the hostility
In society, unwilling to sacrifice, protest,
Step up as God’s beloved, chosen peoples
And care even a little about this hurting humanity.

It is easy to push aside the statistics
Of poverty, homelessness, abuse, violence,
In a hurting world with a surplus of critics,
But no one willing to speak up amidst the silence,
Blind to the faces behind the numbers,
Outraged at increased taxes to relieve
The single, working mother with a sick daughter,
More concerned with my well-being than a stranger’s,
God crying for His children to act and believe
The solution is not violence, but mercy, love, laughter.

Comfort.

God has been speaking to me a lot about comfort lately. I am strongly considering changing my major from Applied Health (with an Art minor) to Sociology (with an Art and English minor). It is all so strange and sudden to me. Had you asked me even a month ago if I would ever consider changing my major from Applied Health, I would have confidently answered no. Yet, here I am, merely weeks later, with a head full of questions and doubts. God tends to work this way in my life. Just when I think I have my life all figured out, God comes and turns all my plans upside down.

The main reason I am strongly considering switching my major from Applied Health to Sociology has a lot to do with comfort. Even more specifically, it has to do with the dangers of comfort. The medical field has always been the "easy" way out for me. Sometimes I almost feel as if I chose to pursue the medical field simply because of things people told me growing up, or because my mother is in that field of work. It would be the comfortable route for me to take in life. But that is not at all what I want. Looking back on my life, I now realize the greatest times, and the times I felt most alive in God, have been when I was pushed out of my comfort zone. High Sierra is a perfect example of this. I could not have been more out of my comfort zone in that situation, and yet, that semester was probably the four best months of my life.

Comfort is such a deceptive and dangerous thing. In America, comfort is looked at as something positive, something desired. Yet, it is so easy to turn to the wrong things for comfort. Many people turn to money, material possessions, bodily safety, or job security as "comforting." We are deceived! Jobs can be lost, material possessions can be taken, our bodies are so fragile. There is no safety found in any of these things. Safety is truly found in God alone. Nothing else lasts, nothing else matters. We must stop deceiving ourselves.

So, back to my major. I do not want to choose the "safe" route in life! I want to travel. I want to follow God to the ends of the earth. I want to use my life in the absolute most effective way for Christ's kingdom. I love people and I love serving. It is while I serve others that I feel most alive, as if I am truly doing what God has called me to do. I love hearing about people's lives, the experiences they've had and the things they've gone through. There is so much oppression and injustice in this world. I am certain there is so much more than I am even aware of. It is painful for me to think about. I want to change this. As much as my one little life possibly can, I want to fight social injustices and help those who are hurting, alone, oppressed. What does this mean? What does this look like? Honestly, I have no idea. All I know is I want to serve and love as Jesus did. I want to see the world and the different people, cultures, and places God has created.

Yet, a part of me is absolutely terrified to switch majors. I do not even really know why. College majors are so overrated. And I am not even very attached to Applied Health. Don't get me wrong, I like the science classes I am taking. I think I am scared that people will be disappointed in me. I fear they will simply think I am switching from a major where I am guaranteed a good, well-paying job to one where there is no stability or guarantees. Yet, that is the beauty of it for me! I know God will take care of me. Money is not something I need to worry about. I do not want to choose a major simply for monetary or security reasons. I want to choose a major because it is the place where I will learn most, grow, and best serve God.

So, Sociology? Applied Health? I honestly do not know. But there is something beautiful about not knowing. It pushes me to go to God more, to rely solely on Him. So God, it is up to you. Lead me where you will have me. Help me to take risks! I do not want to get stuck living a "comfortable" life. I want to LIVE.

Wish Upon a Dream

I have stumbled across another poem I wrote while studying at High Sierra last Spring. Although I have always been such a logical minded person, I have come to discover there lies a dreamer within me. This poem is but a glimpse of this dreamer inside.


Standing in this vast and opportune world,
My mind ponders past hopes and future dreams
Wondering where my life will next be hurled,
And knowing what results is what God deems.
I look up and wish upon a lone star,
Asking for a life of love, beauty, joy;
More than the stars in the glorious sky
The dreams in my young and hopeful heart are,
Some live exposed while others remain coy,
And yet their presence I cannot deny.

Dreams both vast and small lay amidst my soul,
In hope of emerging and coming true;
Oh, beautiful, boundless dreams to console
And comfort victims in need of rescue,
To dance among flowers of the meadows
And to freely sing the tune of my heart,
To fill a dark world with laughter and love
And shoot the scorned with Cupid’s sharp arrows,
To speak the unspeakable through my art
And bring true delight to the King above.

Only through Him can these dreams be achieved,
And only through grace will this hope remain;
Will my heart’s desires soon be relieved?
And which dreams will I lose or retain
Here in a life that seems but a moment?
And so now I will continue twirling
Down the path that is narrow and straight
Grasping hope of dreams fulfilled, being patient
At this stage of not reaping, but sowing;
As for now, in this heart my dreams shall wait.

Time Will Not Remain Await

High Sierra, Spring 2009


Further distractions will soon captivate
These unfixed eyes and heart I lack in Thee.
Be not fooled, time will not remain await.

Hypnotized by meaningless things frustrate;
Unveil these eyes, allow me to see that
Further distractions will soon captivate.

Distracted and fruitless be not my fate;
Nothing to do, but always too busy,
Be not fooled, time will not remain await.

This way a helpless struggle to vacate,
Trying to stray from faults of history;
Further distractions will soon captivate.

Struggling to be rid of this excess weight
And know where life does so furtively flee.
Be not fooled, time will not remain await.

My mind says no, but my heart wills debate,
Fighting unceasingly till it is free;
Further distractions will soon captivate,
Be not fooled, time will not remain await.