Before coming to LA, I had heard from several different students that LA Term was a difficult experience. I had witnessed people come back from the semester hurt, doubtful, bitter, changed. After getting through the first couple of weeks in L.A. without much difficulty or pain, I thought maybe my experience would be different. I began to think back to my semester at High Sierra in Yosemite and to think that maybe this semester would be another amazing 4 months in my life as that semester had so clearly been.
I am now moving into my eighth week of life in Los Angeles, and it is definitely getting more difficult. No, I am not miserable. No, I do not cry all the time or regret doing LA Term. I still laugh, I still have joy, I am still thankful. But at the same time, I don't think this will be an experience in my life I look back on as extraordinary or "one of the greatest experiences of my life."
It is difficult to explain why I feel this way or what is so difficult about the semester, especially if you have not experienced it. I sometimes feel ridiculous even explaining why I'm struggling with this semester to others. LA sounds exciting and wonderful, and to some extent it is. In fact, many other students doing this program with me are loving it. After all, what could be so hard about living in a great city like Los Angeles, eating amazing Mexican food every day, living with a lovely and hospitable family, spending time with sixteen other wonderful APU students, seeing spectacular art, Broadway plays, hearing great music, and experiencing city life in one of the greatest cities on earth for a semester, right? But different people have different experiences.
I can't quite even explain what has been so challenging about the semester. Maybe it is the lack of stability I feel. Plans are always changing, buses are always late, my surroundings continuously change. In just the past 6 months I have moved from APU to Hawaii to L.A., and next semester I will be in England. Part of me loves this, but the other part finds it unsettling. The lack of close community here in LA is also difficult to deal with. Because all of the students here live in different places all around LA and we must all go our separate ways at the end of class, my community basically consists of my roommate, Sarah, and my 9 year old host sister, Stephy. Or maybe my struggle lies in the homesickness that plagues my mind at various, sporadic moments. I miss the safety and comfort of being at home in Hawaii. I have a full week off for Thanksgiving break, and I want nothing more than to be able to go home, to escape from the stress and hardships of the city. I want to eat turkey and pumpkin pie with my family, to decorate my home with sparkling Christmas lights, to sit on the sandy beach and look out into the peaceful, melodic ocean. This is where my mind has been wandering over the past few weeks, until suddenly I drift back into reality and find myself sitting on a dark subway watching a homeless man being shunned by others, or sitting in a classroom listening to discussions of another terrible injustice within the city, or walking on a sidewalk and hearing yet another cat call.
LA Term is difficult, and I am certainly struggling, but I am thankful I am here. I am thankful I have a roommate and friend who is having a similar experience. I am thankful other students here are having an amazing experience and loving the city, because this shows me the goodness and beauty of the city. It is not a bad place, it is a beautiful place. I am learning, and through the difficulties I am growing. Yes, I will be relieved when this experience is over and I have finished this part in my life, but I would not change my experience for another. God has me going through these things for a purpose and a reason. I know He is good, and I know He loves me. Because of this, I will persevere.
"The Lord is my shepherd, I shall not be in want.
I am now moving into my eighth week of life in Los Angeles, and it is definitely getting more difficult. No, I am not miserable. No, I do not cry all the time or regret doing LA Term. I still laugh, I still have joy, I am still thankful. But at the same time, I don't think this will be an experience in my life I look back on as extraordinary or "one of the greatest experiences of my life."
It is difficult to explain why I feel this way or what is so difficult about the semester, especially if you have not experienced it. I sometimes feel ridiculous even explaining why I'm struggling with this semester to others. LA sounds exciting and wonderful, and to some extent it is. In fact, many other students doing this program with me are loving it. After all, what could be so hard about living in a great city like Los Angeles, eating amazing Mexican food every day, living with a lovely and hospitable family, spending time with sixteen other wonderful APU students, seeing spectacular art, Broadway plays, hearing great music, and experiencing city life in one of the greatest cities on earth for a semester, right? But different people have different experiences.
I can't quite even explain what has been so challenging about the semester. Maybe it is the lack of stability I feel. Plans are always changing, buses are always late, my surroundings continuously change. In just the past 6 months I have moved from APU to Hawaii to L.A., and next semester I will be in England. Part of me loves this, but the other part finds it unsettling. The lack of close community here in LA is also difficult to deal with. Because all of the students here live in different places all around LA and we must all go our separate ways at the end of class, my community basically consists of my roommate, Sarah, and my 9 year old host sister, Stephy. Or maybe my struggle lies in the homesickness that plagues my mind at various, sporadic moments. I miss the safety and comfort of being at home in Hawaii. I have a full week off for Thanksgiving break, and I want nothing more than to be able to go home, to escape from the stress and hardships of the city. I want to eat turkey and pumpkin pie with my family, to decorate my home with sparkling Christmas lights, to sit on the sandy beach and look out into the peaceful, melodic ocean. This is where my mind has been wandering over the past few weeks, until suddenly I drift back into reality and find myself sitting on a dark subway watching a homeless man being shunned by others, or sitting in a classroom listening to discussions of another terrible injustice within the city, or walking on a sidewalk and hearing yet another cat call.
LA Term is difficult, and I am certainly struggling, but I am thankful I am here. I am thankful I have a roommate and friend who is having a similar experience. I am thankful other students here are having an amazing experience and loving the city, because this shows me the goodness and beauty of the city. It is not a bad place, it is a beautiful place. I am learning, and through the difficulties I am growing. Yes, I will be relieved when this experience is over and I have finished this part in my life, but I would not change my experience for another. God has me going through these things for a purpose and a reason. I know He is good, and I know He loves me. Because of this, I will persevere.
"The Lord is my shepherd, I shall not be in want.
He makes me lie down in green pastures,
he leads me beside quiet waters,
he leads me beside quiet waters,
he restores my soul.
He guides me in paths of righteousness
for his name's sake.
He guides me in paths of righteousness
for his name's sake.
Even though I walk
through the valley of the shadow of death,
I will fear no evil,
for you are with me;
your rod and your staff,
they comfort me.
through the valley of the shadow of death,
I will fear no evil,
for you are with me;
your rod and your staff,
they comfort me.
You prepare a table before me
in the presence of my enemies.
You anoint my head with oil;
my cup overflows.
in the presence of my enemies.
You anoint my head with oil;
my cup overflows.
Surely goodness and love will follow me
all the days of my life,
and I will dwell in the house of the LORD
forever."
all the days of my life,
and I will dwell in the house of the LORD
forever."
-Psalm 23
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